Secrets. Also, Lei's.

2009-03-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

Creepy Vintage Cards: St Paddy's Edition

Leave the generic leprechaun imagery in the dust with these fun and festive Irish ditties. Nothing says "let's get slaughtered on a Tuesday" quite like fops in unflattering pantaloons.

2009-03-10T14:04:00.000-07:00

Kangaroofugee

2009-03-10T13:47:00.000-07:00

It's Stuck

2009-03-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

Blackhole Sun..

Plastic surgery and makeup is ostensibly meant to enhance your appearance, yes?
And sure, in come cases new problems arise, decisions are made, and results may vary.

So how do you know when to leave well enough alone?
Well, you may consider it around the time you start resembling a CG experiment from a Soundgarden video. Just a thought.

Video first.

Reference second.

2009-03-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

She's a Brick..Mouth!

A SKELETON exhumed from a grave in Venice is being claimed as the first known example of the "vampires" widely referred to in contemporary documents.

Matteo Borrini of the University of Florence in Italy found the skeleton of a woman with a small brick in her mouth (see right) while excavating mass graves of plague victims from the Middle Ages on Lazzaretto Nuovo Island in Venice (see second image here).

At the time the woman died, many people believed that the plague was spread by "vampires" which, rather than drinking people's blood, spread disease by chewing on their shrouds after dying. Grave-diggers put bricks in the mouths of suspected vampires to stop them doing this, Borrini says.

The belief in vampires probably arose because blood is sometimes expelled from the mouths of the dead, causing the shroud to sink inwards and tear. Borrini, who presented his findings at a meeting of the American Academy of Forensic Sciences in Denver, Colorado, last week, claims this might be the first such vampire to have been forensically examined. The skeleton was removed from a mass grave of victims of the Venetian plague of 1576.

However, Peer Moore-Jansen of Wichita State University in Kansas says he has found similar skeletons in Poland and that while Borrini's finding is exciting, "claiming it as the first vampire is a little ridiculous".

Borrini says his study details the earliest grave to show archaeological "exorcism evidence against vampires".

Via New Scientist

2009-03-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

Men in Tights and Stamps of Frights

Two things that made me smile at 4:11 this afternoon.

via Causing Habits

2009-03-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

I Have An UnG-dly Cr-sh On Merlin Mann

Whenever my brain feels like it's degenerating into a seething puddle of old Silly Putty, I turn to his blogs or his Twitter posts. They're insightful and dead random, which quickly ticks off my personal qualifications of EPIC MANLINESS
.
He even has a mini blog dedicated to publishing micro lists, of which the following is but an example.

Read it? Killer, right?

I also have an UnPro Biodly (new portmanteau: Against Pro Biotics + Godly = super sinful) crush on Dave Eggers, whose McSweeneys site also publishes lists.

Maybe I just like men who make lists.
Do you make lists? You may make the cut. I am a woman of easy leisure.

2009-02-20T08:44:00.000-08:00

FACT: If Your Lawyer Looks More Like a Felon Than You Do, Abort!

2009-02-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

Fact: You and Your Cat Should Never Have the Same Dentist

2009-02-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

All Kitted Out

This is fantastic. But my question: why is he carrying a cat carrier if the cat resumes its position instinctively?

It simply doesn't make sense!

Top Cat - For more funny videos, click here

2009-02-17T07:58:00.000-08:00

Words that Practice What They Preach

Sesquipedalian:
Adjective meaning “polysyllabic,” or “long.”

2009-02-13T11:34:00.000-08:00

Pushin' Always Makes For Good Eatin'

2009-02-13T11:31:00.001-08:00

Obama Reveals His Cat Policy

2009-02-12T11:50:00.000-08:00

Giant Rabbits Make My Life Better

And in case you think it's photoshopped, I give you video!

2009-02-11T14:18:00.000-08:00

Something Visual to Cut the Copy

2009-02-11T10:43:00.000-08:00

Commitment

I'm going to try it.
The first draft of my list of 10 places I want to see at this point in my life.
And it's not for you, it's for me. Although I'd like to hear your lists if you're so inclined.

Also. It's in no particular order. It took long enough to get this far and I'm old, weak, and tired from the attempt.

Now that I draft it, I realize that the first bit could actually be a little itinerary! Huzzah!

1. Argentina - Tierra del Fuego to Buenos Aires to Patagonia
2. ...To the Inca Trail, Cuzco & Macchu Picchu
3. ...To Colombia - Bogota and the Lost City Hike

Hopefully the drug lords, leftwing guerrillas, rightwing paramilitary, the police, & the army - all suspected of wrongdoing - won't prevent me from the next few.

4. Jordan - Petra & Wadi Rum
5. Egypt - tour the ancient cities: Saqqara, Edfu, Kom Ombo, Luxor
6. Laos/Cambodia - Angkor Wat
7. Indonesia
8. Madagascar & the pirate islands (Sainte Marie)
9. Turkey - Istanbul, Cappadocia, Olympus
10. Kenya - (must stay at the giraffe manor)

And there's the Smithsonian and Dia de los Muertos in Mexico.
Actually, specific festivals and landmarks are the next item of business.
This is complicated stuff.

2009-02-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

Baby Twitter Poems III

"Butterdie"

On a silver tray did the butterflies play,
their grace was something to see.
But blind was I, so put my cup by
and crushed then under my tea

2009-02-11T10:41:00.001-08:00

Baby Twitter Poems II

"4 is the loneliest"

There was a lonely time between 3 and 5 that knew not it was 4.

2009-02-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

Baby Twitter Poems

Occasionally I writer Twitter poems.
Knowing that they won't get archived there, I'll collect them here:

"Ode To All Day Breakfast"

If breakfast is dinner and dinner is brunch,
Let's meat in the middle and have bacon for lunch.

2008-12-11T12:27:00.000-08:00

2008-12-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

Say It With Vowels

2008-12-11T11:24:00.000-08:00

The Golden Girls

2008-10-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

Showoff

There are some new pieces of information that make your life better.
Today I discovered the seeing eye horse - miniature ponies that are trained in the same capacity of seeing eye dogs.

I realized that if they trained Aye-Ayes in a similar way, they'd be called Seeing Eye Aye-Aye. Similarly, if I got trained to help the blind, I'd be a Seeing Eye Lei.
Or, if they trained one of the McDonald's mascots, they'd be Seeing Eye Fry Guys.

Go here if you want one: http://www.guidehorse.org/

2008-10-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

Skellies!

In 1940, British colonial officer Gerald Gallagher found a human skeleton and a sextant box under a tree on Gardner Island, a coral atoll in the western Pacific. Colonial authorities took detailed measurements, and in 1998 forensic anthropologists judged that the skeleton had belonged to a "tall white female of northern European ancestry."

It may have been Amelia Earhart.

2008-10-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

Still Hallowe'en Week? Check.

Ok, so given that I haven't written or done much of anything at all in the past..oh...4 months, I figure going hog wild on ridiculous costume ideas this week is the most easy, accessible and entertaining way to win back readership.

Today's selection: Costume wearers I'd never trust around young children.

We have everything from the drooling cycloptic patio umbrella...

To Roald Dahl throwback with a transsexual haircut Pederast

To the I'm-probably-56-years-old-and-male-under-here situation

The "Ok now we're really calling the cops. This is the third time we've seen him in the playground this week" (he's new!)

The rotting husk of a wax museum obsessed serial rapist.
So..just...no. Really, really, really just no to this guy as a babysitter.

2008-10-28T16:55:00.000-07:00

Silence of the Lamb

Self explanatory.
Although if I could have a theme song chasing me around, it might well be this one.

2008-10-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

Hallowe'en Costume Ideas

Sometimes people turn to the web for fun costume ideas.
I turn to the web...and more innocent times.

Note on this last one: if the two false faced clowns didn't do it for you, how about the Oil Derrick children?
There will be blood indeed.

See more here

2008-10-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

Unabsurd for a Change

..likely to be followed by a post that is absurd. I lay awake in bed last night thinking about how I live for stories. The stranger the way stories are manifested, the greater the thrill. McSweeneys is excellent for that. If you don't know them, you should. Their publications are packaged as delightfully as the baby smooth prose they house.

I came across this page.
Who knew that spinal columns could be so tasty?

When the warm weather has gasped its last, I'm going to screw with some libraries.

Herewith, a new way of reading:

Go to this plac e for more spinal chills.

2008-08-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

We Push Around a Lot of Old Ladies From Flawrida

I can't believe I haven't put this up before.
Without a doubt, a hidden gem - one of my favourite youtube videos of all time. I don't know if it's the dialogue (choice), the accent (aces) or the wide lapel suit from 1977 that make it, but somewhere - somewhere - in the magical combination of all three, genius is born. It's supposedly culled from the vault of a tv station. A alternative version to a real spot that ran - and ultimately a testament to the warped creative mind of the voice talent.

2008-08-11T06:54:00.000-07:00

Approved

2008-08-05T12:50:00.000-07:00

For Pomsterity

Have I mentioned how much I love Etsy?
I would like Etsy to be my boyfriend. It has all the qualifications: creative, eclectic, surprising, giving, humorous.

If Etsy and I went on a date, I'm sure he would come bearing treasures untold.
A knitted frog dissection shadowbox, a print of a dashing barn owl, a paper bird.
Perhaps then we would make crafts. Go wild blueberry picking. Rent a rowboat and sing Irish drinking ditties in the cicada filled summer air.
Perhaps not.

Only Etsy could dream this dose of extreme reality.
A weird finger on the weirder pulse of mortality. It may seem sweet, but imagine taking tea over the mortal remains of Captain Joaquin.

According to the vendor,

We offer several different styles of pet urns and several styles of jar urn designs. Our ceramic jar urns can be personalized and customized with the pet/persons photograph, name, etc. Possibilities are endless for the designs which can be done.

See it, read it, buy it here

2008-07-30T13:27:00.001-07:00

Yer Toast, Buster!

I read a...well, no.
I SAW a strange picture today. Captured my imagination. Then I read on about it, and yea, there are theories, but I would like to posit my own and you be the judge.

THIS thing washed up on shore in Montauk.

Now, theories about neighbouring government animal testing facilities have been put forward. Then some claims about it being a part of a (rather sinister) viral marketing scheme for the Cartoon Network. Then some guy saying that photoshopping a turtle shell on its back will say everything.

These don't satisfy me. I think the answer is one that is more obvious, but perhaps more terrifying as well.

To me, there is little doubt that these are the remains of the hellbeast Zuul.

I think you'll agree.

Peep the original article

2008-07-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

Hello, Nightmares

To all those vegetarians out there, recognize that nature can go naughty, leaving us cowering in its wake. (Cower! :D)
In this case, mad cow disease takes on sinister dimensions that I tremble to contemplate.

"When his chickens started disappearing a few weeks ago, a farmer in eastern India figured dogs or jackals were to blame - until he discovered his calf making a meal of his poultry. "I've never read or heard about cows turning carnivorous," said Mihir Tripathy. "They eat grass and other vegetarian food but not fish or other non-vegetarian stuff." (examiner)

via Trendhunter

2008-07-22T10:17:00.001-07:00

Rice to the Occasion

I'll bear this in mind when I start wondering how to really please my man.

2008-07-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

This One's For You, Heath

I have to give you something Bat themed because I'm going to see the Dark Knight tonight.
So following up on my blobfish post...I give you...
Batfish!

One of more than 60 different species of fishes found in warm sea, this fish has a broad head, slight body, and is covered in large gnarled lumps. Batfish are not good swimmers; they use their pectoral fins to "walk" on the ocean floor. When the batfish reaches adulthood, its dorsal fin becomes a single spine-like projection that lures prey. Batfish eat shrimps, mollusks, small fish, crabs, and worms.

Sub Aquatic Species resource: Pbs.org

2008-07-14T18:08:00.001-07:00

Superlative Imperative

So I sent out a Tweet a week or so ago that will act as my springboard (ed. note: ok, I automatically fail here because I'm blogging about twittering. I could just stop but I like the sound of my own keys.)

I know when I've had a rough week, and being a writer of sorts means I strive to capture - in words, mind - that feeling. Thinking about this brings me to the simplest and trendiest way of putting it: Epic Fail.

But the internet stops there. I mean, what if something put it all over the top and Epic Fail fell short. Dare I say it - failed?

Needs be, I consult Thesaurus and see if I can cobble together a fun synonym for the Odyssey of Failings of Monday July 7 - Tuesday July 15. Thus far:

Saga of Suck

.......err. anyone?

2008-06-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

It Was Bound To Happen. I Have Become Paul Reubens.

As anyone entering unfamiliar territory knows, you have to OBSERVE to BLEND.
So though I lived all my life in an East End Toronto neighbourhood, I processed the behaviours of my new West End Toronto neighbourhood to get hep.
Three seasons in, I realize I will have to flirt with one or both of the following :
An interest in jogging (unlikely to achieve)
A jaunty bicycle and a sundress (more likely to achieve).

Having read somewhere that picturesque gardens, pleasant neighbourly small talk and a yen for organic produce is generally the monstrous sociopath guise of choice, I decided I needed a bicycle. To like, fit in and stuff.

But hot damn if it ain't a trial to find a 5-speed cruiser of pleasing appearance in June.

Months and curses later, Craigslist served it up to me: a red bike, contoured like a Greek God (if they were bicycle shaped), with 5 speeds and a mushy seat for my bummish parts.
Granted, it's a Tim Horton's 40th anniversary bike, won through Roll Up the Rim to Win. But I think we remember how fond I am of Roll Up the Rim to Win, so the minus is actually a plus. And I've never been good with math anyway.

It rides like a wing chair on wheels. I barely feel massive clefts in the road. I am followed by a perpetual rendition of 'Sunshine and Lollipops'. My heart is filled with summer glee. More importantly though, the act of mere ownership will help me survive the night - my neighbours content that I have surrendered to the Annex in earnest.

But now I have an issue. My new velo smacks of THE BIKE from Pee Wee's big adventure.
Take a look. It really, really does.
So now the question remains: do I find the requisite tiger headed horn? The banana seat? Dear God - the streamers? Do I tempt neighbourly disdain (even bloodlust?) and throw myself to the mercy of Large Marge?

2008-04-08T07:26:00.000-07:00

You Know Who You Are

(I don't).

But that's ok. Because I don't think the intriguing aspect of all this is in the knowing or meeting. For me, it 's in three things: the first - experiencing a Craigslist MC story of my own. The second - realizing that it had been taken down and that it will remain an unsolvable case. The final - that I'm perfectly happy for it to remain so. As a result of this, I can finally put my finger on the essence of what it is about the MC that I love so well - it's the mystery. The musing on how and when these stories come about, not the concrete outcome. It's the fodder to spark a million secret stories of your own.

This is to you, phantom. In the face of probability, you were caught (whoever you are). Someone saw it before you took it down and they alerted me. I thought they had posted it. They hadn't. I went to look for it in context. It was gone. And now I , being the type of person I am, have to mention it on my blog. Because it's my blog, you see. And I can.

For those who love the MC as much as I do - who love reading about other peoples' moments, who always sort of flirt with the 'what ifs' of actually having one posted for them: I assure you, it's a shock when it happens. Pleasant, surprising, confounding, curious, apprehensive, reflective. Curious twice, yet. But it will always be one of those little stories that puts a spring in my step and a wink to the joy of mystery.

That's all I have to say for now. But for your information - you are outed, ghost writer.

And thank you.

2008-04-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

1 min Observation in the Living Room

I bought the mirror table for kicks, but it gets dusty everyday. good thing there's no coke involved. The cleaning would be treacherous then.

on top, always flowers of some variety. Dandelions of waning freshness. Mums that I bought last Tuesday along with some emmenthal and a jar of antipasti. Antipasti on a whim is soothing, even if my legs are cold on the walk home. goddamn Canadian springs.

2008-03-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

Gnome? I Never Even Met Him!

Teenager Jose Alvarez - who filmed the gnome - yesterday told national newspaper El Tribuno that they caught the creature while larking about in their hometown of General Guemes, in the province of Salta, Argentina.

He said: “We were chatting about our last fishing trip. It was one in the morning.

“I began to film a bit with my mobile phone while the others were chatting and joking.

"Suddenly we heard something - a weird noise as if someone was throwing stones.

"We looked to one side and saw that the grass was moving. To begin with we thought it was a dog but when we saw this gnome-like figure begin to emerge we were really afraid."

Jose added that other locals had come forward to say they had spotted the gnome.

2008-03-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

Just Because It May Be My Favourite Ad Ever

Who doesn't like a good pinata?
Or even a bad pinata.

2008-03-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

The Lengths I Will Go To To Convince Freddy I Won a Boat

Tim Horton's (Canadian-based coffee and donut phenomenon) has a 'roll up the rim to win' contest. My friend Freddy has been buying coffees for what seems like months in the hopes of winning 'something' - be it a free coffee or one of the more spectacular prizes, like a Boat. To date, his efforts and $1.29s have proven tragically unsuccessful.

In a moment of universal irony, the coffee Freddy so graciously bought me today was a winner. Knowing that he didn't know this yet, I decided that the best way to repay his kindness would be to pretend that I'd won the boat.
This would be like someone buying you the Wonka bar with the Golden Ticket in it.

I opened up Illustrator to mockup the rim prize claim note. Unfortunately, my efforts were thwarted when Freddy read my Tweet about winning the boat, and ran into my office on the verge of fury. It all happened so quickly, my efforts were shot.

But it deserves to live somewhere. So here:

2008-03-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

Basket Cases

The supermarket is one of the best places I can think of to be inspired by humanity's quirks. One of my favourite things to do on a lazy weekend afternoon, is grocery shop. Sounds lame. Perhaps it is. But it's not about the act of running an errand - it's about how it becomes this eye-opening odyssey into the inner lives of complete strangers.

A few years ago, the moment of enlightenment struck when I was behind an older man, bent, weathered, sporting an outfit of unremarkable details. But look! What is this he's buying? 8 heads of cabbage, 14 cans of Manwich and 4 x 2L grapefruit sodas. What could you possibly be making mister? Is this meal (whatever is may be) so violently appealing that you can repeat it everyday for..what?...3-4 years?

I'm in love with you mister.

And today - today I began to calculate the best parts of the supermarket for quiet observation. The meat section is a good one, for it is there that the stranger ears, snouts and etceteras are found for purchase. Anyone buying snouts is bound to have intriguing side dish elements in their carts: I was rewarded with the proposition of snout with gherkins and mushy peas with frozen strawberries for dessert.

To me, there are infinite backstories to be found in a grocery cart. Even the young men with the oddly gourmet tastes are curious. And hot. But that's different.

In the same vein, I know of a series of projects that fabricate stories based on found shopping receipts. All those shopping lists for all those personalities. It never ceases to fascinate.

2008-03-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Fun Imag!

Occasionally I like to investigate my numbers (ya, I know, I know..). In doing so, I find some fun google search terms ("how to make a slutty costume" has appeared with frightening frequency) and a variety of great pages - blogs, feeds, etc.

Today, I found a combination of the two - I believe it's Google's Bhutan page. The search term: "Fun imag".

I topped the list! I can die happy now.
(no I can't.)

2008-03-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

Snorterly Tranquileizer

'Lei' because of me. It tranquilizes me.
What is 'it'? Well son, hop up here and take a boo:

That's right. Mr Sketch smelly markers.

I notice, through blog posts and things that I say, that I've been waxing nostalgic recently. Lord knows why - maybe it has something to do with constantly trying to anticipate the future at work. My soul craves a little of the good ol' days. And in this case, the good ol' days are 1988 and Mr. Sketch smelly markers.

My favourite scents were light blue and pink, with light blue in the clear lead. Light blue was meant to smell like mango [fail], but it didn't matter - I literally couldn't (still can't) remove the cap without deep huffing. It's narcotic and disarming - yoga for the ol'factory.

So, a happy surprise:
When I need a breather from being THAT copywriter, I go and grab a Tazo tea from Starbucks, typically erring on the non-caffeinated side. One day, a new addition to the box display: Berryblossom White.

One sip, and my brain melted: every taste bud standing on end, screaming with Grade 2 art class. I swear to you, dear blogrels, it's like someone ground up Mr. Sketch blue smelly markers, bagged the debris and steeped away. My mind races with questions: namely, if the dulcet aromas of a Mr. Sketch light blue marker represents mango [again, fail] then is a berryblossom closer to the mark? Is there some natural combination of things that produce this heavenly stench?

Will my heart explode from such simple joys as these?

2008-03-05T10:08:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Brett

Travis, one of the other writers at Tribal lost someone important yesterday:
Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre.

To honour Travis - and Brett - we created this little tribute.
Written by me, performed by Freddy, JC and Jess.

What we lack in rhythm, we make up for in heart.

Lyrics:
This goes out to all the Green Bay Packers fans who lost someone today. His name’s Brett.

Let’s do this.

Seems like yesterday you used to snap and throw
Laced your shoes and rocked Lambeau
The back of your jersey was number fo’
Green Bay Packers, you won the bowl
You were 1995’s MVP (uh-uh)
Words cant express what that meant to me
Even though you’re gone, they’re still a team
But now it’s like a Sundae without whipped cream
Brett next season I’m afraid to see
The Favre-less team playin’ on tv
Reminisce that tie in ‘0-2 at season’s end (uh-uh)
Try to black it out, but it plays again
Pain was real, vicodin tried to conceal
Can’t imagine injuries you feel
Give anything to keep you with us Brett (with us Brett)
Thanks to big ass paychecks - you got no debt.

Chorus:

Every chair I break, every ad I make
Every single day, every time they play
I’ll be missing you
Thinking of the play, when you ran away
What a point to make, what a game to break
I’ll be missing you

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywFSg4Zql1g

2008-02-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

Does Anybody Remember Yahoo Serious?

Ok, well to begin with, this doesn't have anything to do with Yahoo serious. It has to do with a memory I just retrieved from Grade 6. But I promise, at the end of the day, when all is said and done and the dust has settled, then..ultimately..after all that..there will be Yahoo Serious.

This is dedicated to my oldest friend Jess.
You are pregnant now. That's weird.
Just sayin'.

Our story takes place in our elementary school portable. The building itself was something of an educational refugee colony, mainly thrown to excess grade 5s and pregnant French teachers. This year, it was Mr McCauliff's Musical Centre of Excellence.

From the very beginning, Mr McCauliff expressed unabashed devotion to the works of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Phil Collins. We set to work immediately on two songs:
- Music of the Night (Lloyd Webber's sweeping gothic melody from The Phantom of the Opera)
- Groovy Kind of Love (Phil Collins. Yes.)

Mr McCauliff was a perfectionist - he demanded that our pubescent voices ring out the haunting lyricism of lines like "When I kiss your lips, ooh I start to shiver/ Cant control the quivering inside" with complete conviction.

Two songs, rehearsed daily for six months. It would be a a coup for Adult Contemporary: leveling the playing field between 11 year olds in slap bracelets and 37 year olds in dickies.

The details of the concert are still shady. I believe there was a ukele showcase (the school prided itself on its well rounded musical programme. Clearly I missed something), and the kindergartens likely sang something shrill and fetching. We, the dauntless Webber/Collinses, dressed in white shirts and black pants, took to the stage. We sang these songs for the last time.

If I squint my mind's eye, I think I can still see the shell shock on my parent's faces.

But now, years later, I believe that Mr McCauliff triumphed after all. On the whole, Grade 6 recitals are unremarkable. At least ours delivered the kind of soulful energy you can only grasp while buying meals for one at Valu Mart.

Next week's caricature of a Music Teacher: Mr. Furta.

And now, as promised - Yahoo Serious.

2008-02-26T08:23:00.001-08:00

This Ever Happen to Anyone Else?

It's a little scary. Like asexual reproduction of the Error Message kind.
I tried to make it stop. But it felt some sort of natural imperative to keep procreating.

I forced it to quit. I am top of the food chain.

2008-02-22T08:15:00.001-08:00

These Things Brighten My Day

#1: Kool Aid Man

I smile when I think about how many fences died in the making of this ad.

#2: Opening Theme of Rocket Robin Hood

My favourite ever part is where Rocket Robin hood does this little 'hands in the air' bit at :13.

2008-02-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

No Thought of Yeats

apprehending underhanded blue jeans
by no means apologetically apoplectic
in the apocalyptic honey festival.

She sold the baby.

Words to the hoards
Walking by signs, metallic in lines
While the wood trees wall to wall, fall
to their living knees.

Stay, please -
It's hot outside, and deranged.

2008-02-20T12:57:00.000-08:00

Science is Awesome

Stumbling is also awesome. I came across Carl Zimmer's site of Science Tattoos.
Yes, SCIENCE + TATTOOS ( = Science Tattoos).

Science is the new Rock n Roll. It's dangerous. In your face. Rebellious.
It'll scar your children's flesh and laugh in your face.

But probably the best part of these science tattoos lies in the descriptors. Wicked bad ass science tattoo descriptions make me feel like a wicked dumbass.
Here are two examples:

"Here is a picture of my serotonin tattoo. I don't know that it needs much more explanation than it's my favorite neurotransmitter."--Hayley

And then there's this defiance piece from Jeremy Batten.
This man knows his late Jurassic transitional fossils. No foolin.

"Here is my archaeopteryx, the 'missing link' between birds and reptiles. It comes in handy as a visual tool during debates with creationists that like to visit campus sometimes! Yes, I know structural pigments probably had not evolved by this time..." --Jeremy Batten

2008-02-20T12:19:00.000-08:00

A Sorta Calendar

Being in the advertising world, you often forget the real sentiment behind holidays, and focus on the cheaper representational characteristics. In a bid to ground ourselves, my partner Jess and I have devised a way of humbling ourselves over the course of a year.

2008-02-19T08:39:00.000-08:00

"Be Like the French. Wear Sexy"

An ad for Simon Perele.

From Ads of the World

2008-02-19T08:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes There's So Much Beauty In the World...

Jessica's comment: "They should have used two breads. Cause the other side looks so lonely, right?"

2008-02-19T08:26:00.001-08:00

Some Things That Crazy Man in The Subway Said

"you can give me a ticket, but I'm not payin it"

"I come from Alberta. And there'n steak and oil. BUT NONE FOR YOU, ARSEHOLE"

"When you wear boots, you got those boots on. And you they're made for walking. And boots are... WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?"

2008-02-15T12:59:00.000-08:00

Sheep Terror

2008-02-15T08:57:00.000-08:00

Nothing Says "I love you" Like Blatant Racism

All I can say is: "oy".

2008-02-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

Advertising Snarkfest

Me to Freddy: "I love Diamond Shreddies. It's hilarious. It's brilliant."
Freddy to Me: "It's Stupid."
Me to Freddy: "Your face is stupid. Put it on your blog"
Freddy to Me: "No, it's stupid."
Me to Freddy: (knowing he loves the whopper freakout and wanting to be a contrarian)
"The Whopper freakout is stupid."
Freddy to Me: "Whopper freakout is brilliant. I'll make you a bet. If we have reviews this week, I'll post diamond shreddies on my blog. If we don't, you post whopper freakout."
Me to Freddy: "Agreed."

And yes, we had our reviews. And now I too will post a Diamond Shreddies item on my blog. And I will also post Whopper Freakout. Because I am a good sport.

Diamond Shreddies:

Whopper Freakout:

2008-01-16T18:32:00.000-08:00

Installing Cable May Be a Huge Mistake

This happened when I was getting my cable tv box installed. I wrote it the moment after he left, so I think I got his words faithfully recorded. Of course, there is always a bit of a filter when it comes to writing or photographing that skews the memory of something - filters it. But nonetheless, the upshot of this 20 or so minutes may be the opposite of what he intended: I want to get more things installed. If only for the conversation.

"I have something to say. I don’t know why I want to say it, but I do" he said.

"I would like to hear what you have to say" I said.

“If you want to ask me, there is time, and there are moments.”

“Ah.”

“A moment is different from time. Time is measured in maps, and clocks. Moments are very different. You can’t measure them. A real moment is when …”

He stopped to glance at the tv and fiddle with the remote control.

“You are walking through a park,”

He stretched the image across the screen, a Li’l Rascals-style adventure show. Four kids who mess with gangsters and gleefully make their escape.

“With a friend, a trust worthy friend. And it begins to rain. And you feel the water on your face.”

He turned and thoughtfully placed his index finger on his pliers in the belt. I thought he was indicating them for a reason, but I suspect that it’s his philosophy pose.

“And your loved one has passed on,” he continued, “and you remember walking through the park and feeling the wetness on your face and your hair. And you smile. That is a moment.”

“Tv can’t do that for you. Sit sit sit and absorb what other people are doing. So all I can say is…is that.”

“You’re a philosopher!” It came out of my delight even before I could caution it to stay.

“I did a bit of that. A long time ago, before I moved here.”

His tone was neither wistful nor resentful as he pronounced those final words. He was stating fact – he was a philosopher, now he was gathering his cables together.

“All I can say is, tv can’t offer your what a park can. If it rains on tv, you miss the feeling entirely. All I can say is, don’t offer Rogers your money.”

And he shook my hand with a sober little smile, and took his leave.

2007-12-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

Bake For A Change

Well, sometimes you have to work on something outside the scope of your profession.
So here it is; a couple of us here at Tribal are working to help launch this super awesome mad cool contest. This may be the best contest of all time, and it blows anything else that you make think it interesting, neat, worthwhile or exciting out of the water.
I'd even venture to say that this is the best thing that anyone has done in the course of human history - and by entering and participating in it, you stand to have your name associated with its brilliance!
Can you beat that?
No! So spread the word, children. I love you all.

Here it is in a nutshell:
We would like you to imagine, for a moment, that you are designing influence behind the Gingerbread house of the future – that is, a home that is as efficient in its use of energy, water and materials as it is scrumptious to behold.

How does a sustainable Gingerbread House act? What does it look like?
Well, that’s the name of our game: create one and let us know.

If you find this challenge deliciously intriguing, please visit www.bakeforachange.com for full contest rules and submission guidelines.

2007-12-18T08:59:00.001-08:00

Saturday's Exercise

It's desperately mushy out, and grey. A number of people are hunched over, shoulders turned inwards, chins tight into their chests. But that man (yes him, over there) is smiling and running on as if he's known that guy (yes, there), his entire life. He's chattering as if he were standing in the middle of a summery field, and all this were but a nasty flashback to being in Toronto.

"It wouldn't be so cold if it weren't nighttime", he giggles.

And then I notice his hands.

2007-12-18T08:35:00.000-08:00

Have Yourself a Weirdy Little Christmas

Fun images for to send and play with.

2007-12-17T11:59:00.000-08:00

Poturkey

I feel a little bad about that previous post - I should realize not everyone shares my enthusiasm for meats-within-meats.

That being said, here's one for the vegetarians:

2007-12-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

What the Fucken is a Turducken?

It's what's for dinner.
Christmas dinner.
*MY* Christmas dinner.

Here. You must know what it is before we continue.

K. not entirely. But the reality is less cute. I'll spare you the imagery.
A Turducken is (in a nutshell, but not really): a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in turkey.
The Russian doll of roast birds!

See, previous to learning that my supermarket sells limited supplies for Christmas, the Turducken was a Unicorn-like phantasm. People told me they'd spotted it around town on menus, but then it conveniently disappeared. I suspect they lied for something entertaining to say.
Regardless, unless you happen to be braving exotic Suthern-stahl locales such as your Alabamas or Louisianas, it's a friggin hard novelty food to track down.

But now it's nearly within my grasp, and the only questions that remain: how will I make it? And, more pressingly: will I die in the attempt?
Until then...
A song about Turduckens.

2007-12-17T10:17:00.000-08:00

Unintended for Children

A couple Saturdays ago I went to a great brainstorming course for to learn new ways of thinking. In the course of the..course...(guh)..we discussed the cyclical story approach: using the central focus of your brainstorm as a starting point, tell a story that eventually comes full circle. It's harder than it seems, and I've been playing around quite a bit with things I find on the street, people I know, and products I'm working on.

That's not the point, and you're now thinking "I don't care".
Right. So here's something to visually demonstrate it. I love this thing, for all its innocence and depravity. It's long, but watch it. Or I'll hunt you down.

2007-11-28T08:15:00.000-08:00

100th Posting

...isn't going to be themed in the way that most benchmark anniversaries are. I like to be contrary where possible: throw people off the scent. Exercise my mysterious, enigmatic nature.

...What's that, over there?!

Just kidding.
See, got you again.

Herewith a story about a Lithuanian farmer who got lost one day, and the miraculous journey of self discovery that ensued.

VILNIUS, Lithuania (AFP) - A Lithuanian farmer who was left behind at German road stop spent nine days trekking part-way home, living on apples and water from puddles along the route, a Lithuanian newspaper reported Tuesday.
Saulius Marcinkevicius, 41, had decided to go on his first ever trip abroad with a group of fellow Lithuanian farmers who were bound for an agriculture fair in Hanover earlier this month, the daily Lietuvos Rytas said.

The rest of the group forgot him when their coach stopped at a service station near Leipzig on November 13.

Marcinkevicius, who had only his jacket, passport and around 100 euros (150 dollars) in cash, decided to make his way home on foot.

He spent the next nine days walking around 200 kilometres (125 miles) eastwards to Poland, sleeping rough in woods, scrumping apples from orchards, and drinking from puddles.

Marcinkevicius told the newspaper that he did not speak any foreign languages and had not dared to ask for help -- even though he was stopped on several occasions by German police who caught him walking alongside the motorway.

Upon reaching the German-Polish border, he explained himself to German guards with the aide of an interpreter.

He then hitched a ride with a Lithuanian trucker who helped him finally to get home to Kupiskis, in northern Lithuania, last Sunday.

He later checked in with Lithuanian police, who had been searching for him and had even alerted Interpol.

Marcinkevicius, who lost five kilos (11 pounds) during his trek, has vowed never to leave Lithuania again.

However, he appeared to have taken the odyssey in his stride, telling the paper: "I got lost, and went through some extreme experiences, the kind that other people sometimes pay big money for."

2007-11-22T09:00:00.001-08:00

30 Second Poem

The sun is high, it's nearly noon
Snowflakes in their thousands bloom
The grey scale ceiling our natural tomb,
The snow is here, too soon. Too soon.

2007-11-13T12:23:00.001-08:00

Found Rant

For those who aren't familiar with FOUND magazine - familiarize yourselfs. Now.
In a nutshell, it's a community built on found items that "provide glimpses into other people's lives".

Their collection of hypnotic brilliance includes the following rant:

Go and find Found magazine here

2007-11-08T10:15:00.000-08:00

Just Because

I came across it, and think it worth sharing.

This unique, funnel shaped umbrella harnesses the flow of rainwater down into its handle, a water pistol. The user can fire at will, maintaining a constant flow of water as long as rain continues to fall!

2007-11-08T08:19:00.000-08:00

Scenes of Carnage Part 2

This is the second installment in my world of little victims. For a refresher on part one, clicky here.
Don't feel bad for this family. They aren't good people.

2007-11-07T12:51:00.000-08:00

Home Wreckin'

The delights of moving.
Two days ago I came in to work. My Creative Director regarded me through the meeting, and it wasn't until the subject of my painting my new place came up that he mentioned thinking that I was going grey. Honestly, I wish I hadn't mentioned the painting thing - going grey sounds more more dignified than simply being unable to wash my hair properly.

Anyway. Outfitting the home and how best to do it. Personally, am ricocheting between the obvious and the ridiculous - with the ridiculous in the clear lead. Did I really need that mirrored plinth? Or that poster of a dog with a lampshade around its neck? Yes.

And I need these too.

Exhibit 1: A way to burrow in my bookshelves. I don't know about you, but I remember hiding amongst the family sized laundry detergents in the supermarket aisles. The hiding was fun. The giving my mother consecutive heart attacks was awesome.

I was a small child.

Exhibit 2: ok, more book stuff. I have a billion of them. But anything called 'The Bibliochaise' wins my immediate thumbs up. It may be the most absurdly comfortable thing ever. But at least it's also the most expensive.

Exhibit 3: Blankets that make you look like a murdered 12th century monk. And with the variety of colours at your disposal, you can change your sexual proclivities as well for additional character depth.

(It does say that the large sleeves will let your hands roam free)

2007-10-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

Kafka Came From Somewhere

The memory of Franz Kafka is intrinsically linked to his body of nightmarish, impersonal and quasi-existentialist worlds. Any student of literature knows that you can use the author's personal life as a codex to their work. In Kafka's case, we have a tragically short existence defined by anxiety and malady. But I also tend to wonder if his work has that inimitable 'Kafka-esque' quality because Prague itself is so fucking awesomely morbid.

I just got back from a four day micro tour of the city (love it, love it, love it btw), and immediately noticed a delightful pattern of death and destruction. Pretty much everywhere.

2007-10-11T09:09:00.000-07:00

You Really Can Make a Slutty Costume Out of Anything

Ok, well. To be quite fair, this hamburger dress is a work of art. The artist (Joy Kampia) tends to render foodstuffs out of crochet and yarnwork, another example of which I've included here.

But it goes to show that with enough ingenuity and determination, you can make anything - animal, vegetable or mineral - into a cheeky little outfit.

We chatted this morning on the subject of Hallowe'en costumes. I plunged back in time to one fateful loft party I attended dressed as the girl from the Ring only to realize that every other costume there was an abbreviated size of something: slutty Pumpkin, slutty Witch, slutty Robert Goulet. My own personal Mean Girls moment.

Now we can add hamburger to this provocative tapestry of slut and slut-related costumery.

Be sure to swing by this site for more inspiring takes on fancy dress.

2007-09-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

Llamapillar

Alright, instead of uploading trip shots, I went for Cuban food last night.
Bad me.

Here's another placeholder beast to snack upon.
How doth it move? How quickly? Could it catch up with me? In a dark alley? On a chill October night?

Does it eat like snake?

2007-09-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

Placeholder Spokesbird

Just got back from a whirlwind tour of Croatia and Prague. Am feeling good. So good in fact, that I'm going to have to throw something out here until I can get my pics uploaded and mention a few choice weirdnesses that I captured over there. Soon there will be international curiosities to feast your eyes on - just you wait.

In the meantime, to assuage my own guilt over not having contributed recently - thieving shithawks!

2007-09-07T14:02:00.000-07:00

Pedro the Mini Mummy

In 1932 two men, Cecil Main and Frank Carr, spent a few weeks digging for gold in the San Pedro Mountains of Wyoming. After working a rich vein which seemed to keep continuing into more solid rock, they decided to use dynamite to blast a huge section of the mountainside off and save some time getting at more of the gold.

After the dust from the blast cleared, they found that the rock face they had been chipping away at led to a small cavern about 15 feet long and 4 feet high (4.5m x 1.2m). It had been totally sealed off from the outside world by this thick wall of rock they had been working at, with no visible entrance or even small crack leading into it. Inside this cavern was a small ledge on which a pixie-like creature sat, cross-legged. It turned out to be a tiny mummy about 7" high (18 cm) with a total height of 14" (35 cm). It's face looked like an old man's. It had a flat head, huge, heavy-lidded eyes and a very wide mouth. It was so well preserved that the finger nails could still be seen on the hands. It gets stranger - the top of it's head was covered in a dark jelly-like substance that was still mushy. Ew!

Cecil and Frank carefully took their find to the huge town of Casper, Wyoming where many prominent scientists, sure of a hoax, came from all over the US to have a look at it. Everyone had the idea that this was just a scheme to make money, something invented by the two prospectors to get rich with their discovered anomaly. Dr. Henry Shapiro, an anthropologist from the American Museum of Natural History, set up extensive tests, assuming it would show some type of doll or pieced-together work of taxidermy. Instead the X-rays showed that "Pedro" had inside him a perfectly formed, manlike skeleton with a complete set of human-like ribs. Also shown was a damaged spine, a broken collarbone and a skull that had been smashed by a heavy blow. It seems Pedro had met with a violent death. The gelatinous substance on his head was exposed brain tissue and congealed blood. Ew! The fontanels - the soft spots in the skull which mesh to a solid plate as a baby matures to childhood - were closed, proving that this had indeed been a full grown adult. Pedro had a full set of adult teeth but the odd difference to us regular humans was that he had overly pointed canines - what we'd call "vampire" teeth. The overall estimate was that the being had been about 65 years old at the time of death and dated 'far back into history'.

Sometime in the 1950s, Pedro vanished after one of his owners died, and his location today is still unknown.

The Shoshone Indian Nation of Wyoming have legends of the Nimerigar, a small race of people who it is said would attack them with tiny bows and poisoned arrows. It was also said they used to kill their own kind with a blow to the head when they became too ill to be a useful and active part of society anymore.

2007-09-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

The Craigslist Serial

I may have mentioned before that I have a weakness for the craigslist missed connections. No, it's not because I expect to see myself in there (jerks), but because on a sociological basis, it is remarkable to see how describe each other in passing. And really, what details are noticed.

More often than not, you get something like :
"You: Girl in Green shirt with face. Me: Tall guy in pants. Coffee?"

But occasionally there is something undeniably delightful in the describing. A resurrection of the cinematic 'love at first sight' moments from 1950sHollywood. A defiance of what sometimes feels like modern disregard for the romantic grand gesture.

My favourites are when people play peekaboo with their lives - which brings me to this week's Toronto Missed Connections serial girl. I can't quite get a handle on her: she's in love, she's furious, she's humorous. Is she dating this man? Is it illicit?
Read it for yourself. I welcome your thoughts on the matter.
Welcome to my voyeuristic depravity.

2007-09-05T15:57:00.000-07:00

Walken be Rockin That Chicken

I have a dream.
And a list.
The list pertains to something I mentally drafted years ago after watching Harvey Keitel disrobe for the millionth time in a movie (stop it Harvey, I mean it this time).

Without much ado, my favourite top 5 creepy men of Hollywood (in no particular order):

Christopher Walken
Jeremy Irons
Geoffrey Rush
Harvey Keitel
Willem Defoe

In my defense, this is not a judgement on acting abilities. On the contrary, their creepyness makes them more alluring. They have character stamped across every crevice of their faces while also sporting that undefinable quality that makes them unsavory as dark alley run ins.

The more interesting question, I think, is how these guys do their average Joe bit. Imagine, if you will - Rush deciding between bacon or sausage with his Sunday eggs. Irons reading Where the Wild Things Are to his kids. Defoe going to the mall to try on bathing suits.

Possibly, even possibly...Christopher Walken preparing a whole roast chicken.
It's hypnotic.

2007-09-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

And God Said - Let There Be Flight

A Vatican-backed charter service has made its inaugural flight, aiming to carry pilgrims to such Catholic shrines as Lourdes, Fatima, Santiago de Compostela and the Holy Land.

The flights, scheduled to start regular service next year, are tailored to the pilgrims' needs, with inscriptions - such as "I search for your face, Lord," - decorating the seats and religious videos shown on board.

"We want to create the conditions to enable pilgrims to live their pilgrimage starting at their city's airport and even before they arrive at their destinations," said the Rev. Caesar Atuire, CEO of Opera Romana Pellegrinaggi, which organizes pilgrimages for the Diocese of Rome.

"That's why we created this initiative, with a dedicated aircraft, trained staff, and messages (on board) to help people live a better experience," he told reporters at a presentation ahead of the inaugural flight, which carried VIPs and church officials to Lourdes.

The five-year agreement between Mistral Air, a small airline owned by the private Italian post office, and the "Opera Romana Pellegrinaggi," offers flights leaving from seven Italian airports, including Rome and Verona, with a Boeing 737-300.

Officials expect the deal will bring an estimated 150,000 passengers a year to destinations including Fatima, Portugal; Lourdes, France; Santiago de Compostela, Spain; the Holy Land; Czestochowa, Poland; and Sinai, Egypt.

Details on schedules and fares are still being discussed. However, Atuire said the airline is hoping to offer pilgrims competitive prices.

Rome Cardinal Camillo Ruini praised the initiative.

"The way to make pilgrimages can change over time but their deepest meaning remains the same: To look for a deeper contact with God," he told reporters before boarding the inaugural flight.

The Vatican does not have an airline or its own airport, and the pope regularly takes special flights with commercial carriers for his trips around the globe.

2007-08-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

Behaves

EUHN
Yo Shawty
EUHN
Yo Shawty
What you doing to me?

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves

[verse: 1]
1 o’clock and shakin nonstop
I just lookin’ at you and it makin me pop
Baby girl you got a badass piece
I gotta rent that one out
Maybe take out a lease, y’all

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves

[verse: 2]
Got dem tiny ass shawts
And honey girl you fillin’ them lots,
Naughty girl, booty wavin’ at me
Yo ass so bad
It in a penitensharee - AYYO

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves

[verse: 3]
Wiggle it round on the club floor
You pushing it back, baby push it some mo’

DAMN that tush be dangerous
Damn!
Dangerous!

When you walk it like that – BEHAVES!
When you shake it like that - BEHAVES!
When you move me like that – BEHAVES!
Where’d you get dem shorts?

*Note: if you are a big hip hop producer and want to turn my song into your next big thing, I want royalties dawg. Blap blap!

2007-08-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

Geekiest Ad Critique Ever

...and totally hilarious. I have nothing to add here. I'll just cut and paste.
I laughed for half an hour (ok, maybe more. Maybe I'm still laughing and I saw this three hours ago).
More copywriter humour.

That Headline Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

According to Wikipedia:
"A redshirt is a stock character, used frequently in science fiction but also in other genres, whose purpose is to die soon after being introduced, thus indicating the dangerous circumstances faced by the main characters. The term comes from the science fiction television series Star Trek, in which security officers wear red shirts and are often killed on missions under the aforementioned circumstances."

Source: Adland

2007-08-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

Hyuk. Wood.

2007-08-21T19:41:00.000-07:00

I Can Relate, Buddy

The blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) is a fish that inhabits the deep waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania. Due to the inaccessibility of its habitat, it is rarely seen by humans.

Blobfish are found at depths where the pressure is several dozens of times higher than at sea level, which would likely make gas bladders inefficient. To remain buoyant, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front it.

2007-08-16T14:12:00.000-07:00

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Hot Beef Sundae!

There appears to be something of a food theme going, so what's the harm in one more. Shall we then traipse down to the Iowa State Fair and partake in one of the best traditions of summer - The hot beef sundae?

What larks! Tra la!

2007-08-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

Deseas Papas Fritas Con Eso?

Those who call themselves "real travelers" all do it: pass judgement on those who, for whatever reason, opt for McDonald's on vacation. It's like the cardinal wrong. You would be better received back home after your trip by some people I know if you told them that you'd eaten some endangered species on vacation than eaten in a McDonald's.

Well in your face, Lonely Planet thumping bastards.

It turns out, in fact, that the very FIRST thing you should do is go to a McDonald's. It's like going to a grocery store on vacation (which, incidentally, I love to do. Best insight into the day-to-day of a culture isn't its museums but its grocery stores. And for those that care, I just had a personal epiphany as to why I'm in advertising. And not archaeology. Which was clearly my first choice.)

These are from an article on the cultural idiosyncracies of the McDonald's McEmpire. And some of them are effin McFascinating. For example:

In Japan, you can partake in a Koroke Burger (mashed potato, cabbage and katsu sauce)

Canada's McLobster gets my personal "get that the hell away from me" award. I saw them advertised on my roadtrip around Nova Scotia. They looked unappealing then, and that hasn't changed. If you've tried one and liked it, use my comments section to defend yourself.

In Hong Kong, you can buy a Rice Burger, where the burgers are in between, not burger buns, but two patties of glutinous rice.

And finally - in Uruguay, you can order a hamburger topped with a fried egg. Ok, not so cool.
But it's called the McHuevo! SO Cool. SO my 'shout it off a cliff in Uruguay' word!

Here's a link to the full list. Read it, get back to me. In the meantime I'll be giggling at McHuevo.

2007-08-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

Shameless Displays of Lycra

Vixens.
Honestly, here they are being all "don't look at my body, look at my face".
Teases.
Don't they know that modesty is a huge turn on?

For more in the world of beach side feminine modesty, run (don't walk!) to THIS SITE.
Jezebels.

2007-08-07T15:38:00.000-07:00

The Soundtrack That Should Never Have Been

You know that feeling when you get to the airport, and that idea of going away - finally getting to get the hell out of Dodge - really sinks in? And you think to yourself how exciting and new everything suddenly feels. And you also think about what your soundtrack for this trip should be.

Frankfurt Airport decided to answer the latter question on behalf of the millions of people that file through it every year. The result - the one song I hope to never personally own as my traveling anthem. Ever.
Like, ever ever.
I mean - I would rather have All4One's 'I Swear' or The Golden Girls theme song as my traveling anthems. Especially that last one. It at least talks about traveling around the world and back again.

The lyrics:

Just pack your bags and leave, tomorrow’s the big day
Destination Frankfurt, we’re on our way
to a city within a city and a hub full of streams
and impressions, like in our boldest dreams

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City

We’re close like never before, to the city you can’t ignore
Located right in the heart of Europe
And behind that significant horizon
It is Germany’s gateway to the world

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City

Solo

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City…

Now - you have a choice.
You can either subject yourself to the VIDEO or to the SONG

2007-07-30T14:01:00.000-07:00

Oh, The Places You'll Go..

I've recently gone through a rush of wanderlust. I need to see things. Odd things. Things with small horns, long necks and sympathetic eyes.

Travellers from all over the world now make The Giraffe Manor part of their East African safari, the only place in the world where you can enjoy the breathtaking experience of feeding and photographing the giraffe over the breakfast table and at the front door.

Want to come with me? Of course you do, you blind fool. We shall have ever so many adventures, and frolics on and about these gentle giants. Hazzah!
Take a look at Giraffe Manor.

2007-07-25T18:59:00.000-07:00

The Reactable

This may not be a surprise to anyone who is a fan of Bjork - she debuted it at the Coachella festival. It has of course made the tangible interactivity festival circuit lots too. y'know - in case you follow that circuit.
I'll be hot damned if it's not one of the coolest and most vision-of-the-future-y instruments I've seen.

Here's a bit on what it is.

The reactable is a collaborative electronic music instrument with a tabletop tangible multi-touch interface. Several simultaneous performers share complete control over the instrument by moving and rotating physical objects on a luminous round table surface. By moving and relating these objects, representing components of a classic modular synthesizer, users can create complex and dynamic sonic topologies, with generators, filters and modulators, in a kind of tangible modular synthesizer or graspable flow-controlled programming language.

Hookay.
And for those that don't speak..that..way of speaking...a couple little demos.

And the demo from the Coachella show.

2007-07-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

And With This - My Apartment Hunting Comes to a Close

I still have a couple weeks left until my apartment hunting becomes an official nightmare (it is, after all, nearly the new school year. I am competing for apartments with the frothing legions of University students who are willing to take anything at all within 15 blocks radius of U of T. Which, unfortunately, is also where I would like to live.)
Given that that is pretty much like - all of Toronto.

So I'm thinking I may have to become less finicky about my living arrangements.
Enter: Craigslist. Did I mention how much I love Craigslist? I love it. I want to marry it and bear its classified babies. And then sell them on craigslist.

I don't know if it's a joke that this person is offering their broken van as a cheap apartment. If it's not, it's fantastic. If it is, then they are fantastic for tapping into some basic truth of the Toronto rental market. Maybe I'll marry them after the whole craigslist marrying thing.

Take a closer look: http://toronto.craigslist.org/apa/381947335.html

2007-07-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

Numerals Are Not Allowed. Sorry C3PO.

You know, some people come down hard on celebrity icons like Gwyneth or Frank Zappa for naming their kids something ridiculous. But what about the everyday schmucks, running around everyday - ruining the lives of their sprogs and getting away with it scott free? Well done New Zealand, at least this kid with only get beaten up for half as long as he otherwise would have.

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) -- New Zealand authorities have blocked a couple's bid to officially name their new son "4real," saying numerals are not allowed.
Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.
"For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and ... there's no direct link between the meaning and the name," Pat Wheaton told TV One on Wednesday. "With this name, everyone knows what it means."
But when the parents filed the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.
The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.
"The name has not at this stage been rejected," Registrar-General Brian Clarke said in a statement Thursday. "We are currently in discussions with the parents ... to clarify the situation."
Clarke said the rules are designed to prevent names that are "likely to cause offense to a reasonable person." Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said.
If no compromise has been reached by July 9, the baby will be registered as "real," officials say.
New Zealand law requires all children born in the South Pacific nation to be registered with the Births, Deaths and Marriages registry within two months of birth.

2007-07-10T13:20:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it Be Nice If We Could Still Make Such Bold Claims?

2007-07-09T08:31:00.001-07:00

10 Min Story Intro

At lunchtime she began to peruse real estate in Budapest. She was surprised at how voraciously she began her research – papers, prices, Hungarian landowner bylaws. But it was because she’d been feeling uncertain recently, emptied of vigour and any real sense of purpose. And she’d never been there – both this headspace and, well - Hungary. Not only had she never been to Hungary– she’d never really cared to visit there. It was devoid of people she knew. It lacked any particular personal meaning for her. She’d heard it was picturesque and culturally interesting. It had one of the biggest porn industries in the world. She liked paprika. But that was the long and short of things.

Searching for real estate in Hungary was an audacious act. A gesture of defiance. A bird she was flipping at what she’d recognized (with slight alarm) as her own complacency. By the time she finished her pastrami sandwiched, she determined that searching for real estate in Hungary was going to save her life.

2007-07-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

As If Knitted By Giant Grandmothers

Todays' theme: Tuscan hillside stunts.

It's 200 ft. long, and pink, and dead, and a bunny, and on a hillside in Italy. And it will contnue to decompose for 20 years, and people are encouraged to climb on it and..

Yes, I'm serious.

The artist statement in full:

Rabbit

The things one finds wandering in a landscape: familiar things and utterly unknown, like a flower one has never seen before, or, as Columbus discovered, an inexplicable continent;
and then, behind a hill, as if knitted by giant grandmothers, lies this vast rabbit, to make you feel as small as a daisy.
The toilet-paper-pink creature lies on its back: a rabbit-mountain like Gulliver in Lilliput. Happy you feel as you climb up along its ears, almost falling into its cavernous mouth, to the belly-summit and look out over the pink woolen landscape of the rabbitís body, a country dropped from the sky;
ears and limbs sneaking into the distance; from its side flowing heart, liver and intestines.
Happily in love you step down the decaying corpse, through the wound, now small like a maggot, over woolen kidney and bowel.
Happy you leave like the larva that gets its wings from an innocent carcass at the roadside.
Such is the happiness which made this rabbit.
i love the rabbit the rabbit loves me.

As I mentioned before, I'm already delighted by the transformation of familiar landscapes into the unfamiliar. This is an amazing example of that - much less 'elegant' than a Christo and Jeanne-Claude piece, but fascinating because it's a) going to be up there rotting for two decades and b) it's in Italy - one of the most aesthetically conscious European countries. In case the poetry of the artist's intent threw you - the bunny is an ex-bunny, dead after dropping from the sky. Littered on the ground beside it are its figurative 'organs'. Upon its face is a frozen mask of terror. Dead, dead, supremely gone.

How did they get permission?
HOW? HOW?!

Ryan: "No way."
Lei: "Totally."
Ryan: "Can you find it on Google Earth?"
Lei: "Uhh..hmm..it doesn't.. GUH! YES! AHHHH! HAHAHAH!!! http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=Artesina+in+Italy&t=k&amp;amp;om=1&ll=44.244277,7.769737&spn=0.014941,0.041327"

....ahh....!!!

yess....!!!

....hoo."

Put your cursor here for the Artists' page and...click.

2007-06-28T08:08:00.003-07:00

Heed this Warning, Sony Headphone Wearers. Or Pay Dearly.

I didn't know this. And I paid dearly for my ignorance ($90 dearly).

I had been using the large Sony headphones instead of the iPod ear buds - they're cheapy, and I find them a more comfortable musical experience. I also feel badass walking down the street with big headphones on. That's how I roll.

Last week, my iPod stopped playing in stereo. I mistakenly thought it was my earphones, so I threw them away, but after asking a sales associate to open two or three new headphone cases to find a "working pair", I realized I had an iPod issue on my hands.

To recap: I love iPod. But I've gone through 4 in 2 years.

DO NOT use Sony Headphones in an iPod. The audio input is like, half a mm too large for an iPod audio jack. Eventually you'll have to get it replaced. It's a common problem, apparently.

2007-06-27T14:21:00.000-07:00

Apparently, the Theme for Today is: 'The Awesome Inane'

Everything is right with the world when I watch this.
And it gets better with age - like a fine wine.

2007-06-27T13:58:00.001-07:00

I'm a Sucker for Generators

Yes, they've all been done.
But hot damn I love a good generator. I don't know why.

This is me as a Simpsons character.

Waste a pile of time by making your own here.
...or!
Check out all my del.icio.us tagged generators here

2007-06-23T10:11:00.000-07:00

I Laughed So Hard, It Hurted Muches

Ok, so apparently this rejection letter doesn't check out - there is no antiquities department in the Smithsonian, and word has it the whole thing was concocted by a man with the same name as the amateur backyard paleoanthropologist.
Real or not, it's amazing. Start to finish - I nearly spat out my soup. Then two hours later, I thought about it again and nearly spat out my coffee.
Then again - this morning, with tea.

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities

2007-06-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

Flash Mobs - Parisienne Style

Every year, a big open air dinner party is held in Paris for eager gourmands dressed in white. The location is kept secret until 15 minutes before the meal begins. This year it was around the Arc de Triumph on the place de l'Etoile.

See more, envy more HERE

2007-06-21T11:00:00.001-07:00

Awesome Banner

It's a new way of dealing with interactivity on a page. Really cool concept - and two different (but visually related) messages.

Go! See! Fun! Yay!