Behaves

EUHN
Yo Shawty
EUHN
Yo Shawty
What you doing to me?

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves

[verse: 1]
1 o’clock and shakin nonstop
I just lookin’ at you and it makin me pop
Baby girl you got a badass piece
I gotta rent that one out
Maybe take out a lease, y’all

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves

[verse: 2]
Got dem tiny ass shawts
And honey girl you fillin’ them lots,
Naughty girl, booty wavin’ at me
Yo ass so bad
It in a penitensharee - AYYO

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves


[verse: 3]
Wiggle it round on the club floor
You pushing it back, baby push it some mo’

DAMN that tush be dangerous
Damn!
Dangerous!

When you walk it like that – BEHAVES!
When you shake it like that - BEHAVES!
When you move me like that – BEHAVES!
Where’d you get dem shorts?


*Note: if you are a big hip hop producer and want to turn my song into your next big thing, I want royalties dawg. Blap blap!

Geekiest Ad Critique Ever


...and totally hilarious. I have nothing to add here. I'll just cut and paste.
I laughed for half an hour (ok, maybe more. Maybe I'm still laughing and I saw this three hours ago).
More copywriter humour.

That Headline Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

According to Wikipedia:
"A redshirt is a stock character, used frequently in science fiction but also in other genres, whose purpose is to die soon after being introduced, thus indicating the dangerous circumstances faced by the main characters. The term comes from the science fiction television series Star Trek, in which security officers wear red shirts and are often killed on missions under the aforementioned circumstances."

Source: Adland

Hyuk. Wood.

I Can Relate, Buddy

The blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) is a fish that inhabits the deep waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania. Due to the inaccessibility of its habitat, it is rarely seen by humans.

Blobfish are found at depths where the pressure is several dozens of times higher than at sea level, which would likely make gas bladders inefficient. To remain buoyant, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front it.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Hot Beef Sundae!


There appears to be something of a food theme going, so what's the harm in one more. Shall we then traipse down to the Iowa State Fair and partake in one of the best traditions of summer - The hot beef sundae?

What larks! Tra la!

Deseas Papas Fritas Con Eso?

Those who call themselves "real travelers" all do it: pass judgement on those who, for whatever reason, opt for McDonald's on vacation. It's like the cardinal wrong. You would be better received back home after your trip by some people I know if you told them that you'd eaten some endangered species on vacation than eaten in a McDonald's.

Well in your face, Lonely Planet thumping bastards.

It turns out, in fact, that the very FIRST thing you should do is go to a McDonald's. It's like going to a grocery store on vacation (which, incidentally, I love to do. Best insight into the day-to-day of a culture isn't its museums but its grocery stores. And for those that care, I just had a personal epiphany as to why I'm in advertising. And not archaeology. Which was clearly my first choice.)

These are from an article on the cultural idiosyncracies of the McDonald's McEmpire. And some of them are effin McFascinating. For example:


In Japan, you can partake in a Koroke Burger (mashed potato, cabbage and katsu sauce)


Canada's McLobster gets my personal "get that the hell away from me" award. I saw them advertised on my roadtrip around Nova Scotia. They looked unappealing then, and that hasn't changed. If you've tried one and liked it, use my comments section to defend yourself.



In Hong Kong, you can buy a Rice Burger, where the burgers are in between, not burger buns, but two patties of glutinous rice.

And finally - in Uruguay, you can order a hamburger topped with a fried egg. Ok, not so cool.
But it's called the McHuevo! SO Cool. SO my 'shout it off a cliff in Uruguay' word!

Here's a link to the full list. Read it, get back to me. In the meantime I'll be giggling at McHuevo.

Shameless Displays of Lycra

Vixens.
Honestly, here they are being all "don't look at my body, look at my face".
Teases.
Don't they know that modesty is a huge turn on?


For more in the world of beach side feminine modesty, run (don't walk!) to THIS SITE.
Jezebels.

The Soundtrack That Should Never Have Been

You know that feeling when you get to the airport, and that idea of going away - finally getting to get the hell out of Dodge - really sinks in? And you think to yourself how exciting and new everything suddenly feels. And you also think about what your soundtrack for this trip should be.

Frankfurt Airport decided to answer the latter question on behalf of the millions of people that file through it every year. The result - the one song I hope to never personally own as my traveling anthem. Ever.
Like, ever ever.
I mean - I would rather have All4One's 'I Swear' or The Golden Girls theme song as my traveling anthems. Especially that last one. It at least talks about traveling around the world and back again.

The lyrics:

Just pack your bags and leave, tomorrow’s the big day
Destination Frankfurt, we’re on our way
to a city within a city and a hub full of streams
and impressions, like in our boldest dreams

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City

We’re close like never before, to the city you can’t ignore
Located right in the heart of Europe
And behind that significant horizon
It is Germany’s gateway to the world

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City

Solo

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City…

Now - you have a choice.
You can either subject yourself to the VIDEO or to the SONG

Oh, The Places You'll Go..

I've recently gone through a rush of wanderlust. I need to see things. Odd things. Things with small horns, long necks and sympathetic eyes.

Travellers from all over the world now make The Giraffe Manor part of their East African safari, the only place in the world where you can enjoy the breathtaking experience of feeding and photographing the giraffe over the breakfast table and at the front door.

Want to come with me? Of course you do, you blind fool. We shall have ever so many adventures, and frolics on and about these gentle giants. Hazzah!
Take a look at Giraffe Manor.

The Reactable

This may not be a surprise to anyone who is a fan of Bjork - she debuted it at the Coachella festival. It has of course made the tangible interactivity festival circuit lots too. y'know - in case you follow that circuit.
I'll be hot damned if it's not one of the coolest and most vision-of-the-future-y instruments I've seen.

Here's a bit on what it is.

The reactable is a collaborative electronic music instrument with a tabletop tangible multi-touch interface. Several simultaneous performers share complete control over the instrument by moving and rotating physical objects on a luminous round table surface. By moving and relating these objects, representing components of a classic modular synthesizer, users can create complex and dynamic sonic topologies, with generators, filters and modulators, in a kind of tangible modular synthesizer or graspable flow-controlled programming language.

Hookay.
And for those that don't speak..that..way of speaking...a couple little demos.

And the demo from the Coachella show.

And With This - My Apartment Hunting Comes to a Close

I still have a couple weeks left until my apartment hunting becomes an official nightmare (it is, after all, nearly the new school year. I am competing for apartments with the frothing legions of University students who are willing to take anything at all within 15 blocks radius of U of T. Which, unfortunately, is also where I would like to live.)
Given that that is pretty much like - all of Toronto.

So I'm thinking I may have to become less finicky about my living arrangements.
Enter: Craigslist. Did I mention how much I love Craigslist? I love it. I want to marry it and bear its classified babies. And then sell them on craigslist.



I don't know if it's a joke that this person is offering their broken van as a cheap apartment. If it's not, it's fantastic. If it is, then they are fantastic for tapping into some basic truth of the Toronto rental market. Maybe I'll marry them after the whole craigslist marrying thing.

Take a closer look: http://toronto.craigslist.org/apa/381947335.html

Numerals Are Not Allowed. Sorry C3PO.

You know, some people come down hard on celebrity icons like Gwyneth or Frank Zappa for naming their kids something ridiculous. But what about the everyday schmucks, running around everyday - ruining the lives of their sprogs and getting away with it scott free? Well done New Zealand, at least this kid with only get beaten up for half as long as he otherwise would have.

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) -- New Zealand authorities have blocked a couple's bid to officially name their new son "4real," saying numerals are not allowed.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.

"For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and ... there's no direct link between the meaning and the name," Pat Wheaton told TV One on Wednesday. "With this name, everyone knows what it means."

But when the parents filed the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.

The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.

"The name has not at this stage been rejected," Registrar-General Brian Clarke said in a statement Thursday. "We are currently in discussions with the parents ... to clarify the situation."

Clarke said the rules are designed to prevent names that are "likely to cause offense to a reasonable person." Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said.

If no compromise has been reached by July 9, the baby will be registered as "real," officials say.

New Zealand law requires all children born in the South Pacific nation to be registered with the Births, Deaths and Marriages registry within two months of birth.

Wouldn't it Be Nice If We Could Still Make Such Bold Claims?

10 Min Story Intro

At lunchtime she began to peruse real estate in Budapest. She was surprised at how voraciously she began her research – papers, prices, Hungarian landowner bylaws. But it was because she’d been feeling uncertain recently, emptied of vigour and any real sense of purpose. And she’d never been there – both this headspace and, well - Hungary. Not only had she never been to Hungary– she’d never really cared to visit there. It was devoid of people she knew. It lacked any particular personal meaning for her. She’d heard it was picturesque and culturally interesting. It had one of the biggest porn industries in the world. She liked paprika. But that was the long and short of things.

Searching for real estate in Hungary was an audacious act. A gesture of defiance. A bird she was flipping at what she’d recognized (with slight alarm) as her own complacency. By the time she finished her pastrami sandwiched, she determined that searching for real estate in Hungary was going to save her life.

As If Knitted By Giant Grandmothers

Todays' theme: Tuscan hillside stunts.

It's 200 ft. long, and pink, and dead, and a bunny, and on a hillside in Italy. And it will contnue to decompose for 20 years, and people are encouraged to climb on it and..

Yes, I'm serious.

The artist statement in full:

Rabbit

The things one finds wandering in a landscape: familiar things and utterly unknown, like a flower one has never seen before, or, as Columbus discovered, an inexplicable continent;
and then, behind a hill, as if knitted by giant grandmothers, lies this vast rabbit, to make you feel as small as a daisy.
The toilet-paper-pink creature lies on its back: a rabbit-mountain like Gulliver in Lilliput. Happy you feel as you climb up along its ears, almost falling into its cavernous mouth, to the belly-summit and look out over the pink woolen landscape of the rabbitís body, a country dropped from the sky;
ears and limbs sneaking into the distance; from its side flowing heart, liver and intestines.
Happily in love you step down the decaying corpse, through the wound, now small like a maggot, over woolen kidney and bowel.
Happy you leave like the larva that gets its wings from an innocent carcass at the roadside.
Such is the happiness which made this rabbit.
i love the rabbit the rabbit loves me.

As I mentioned before, I'm already delighted by the transformation of familiar landscapes into the unfamiliar. This is an amazing example of that - much less 'elegant' than a Christo and Jeanne-Claude piece, but fascinating because it's a) going to be up there rotting for two decades and b) it's in Italy - one of the most aesthetically conscious European countries. In case the poetry of the artist's intent threw you - the bunny is an ex-bunny, dead after dropping from the sky. Littered on the ground beside it are its figurative 'organs'. Upon its face is a frozen mask of terror. Dead, dead, supremely gone.

How did they get permission?
HOW? HOW?!

Ryan: "No way."
Lei: "Totally."
Ryan: "Can you find it on Google Earth?"
Lei: "Uhh..hmm..it doesn't.. GUH! YES! AHHHH! HAHAHAH!!! http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=Artesina+in+Italy&t=k&om=1&ll=44.244277,7.769737&spn=0.014941,0.041327"

....ahh....!!!

yess....!!!

....hoo."

Put your cursor here for the Artists' page and...click.

Heed this Warning, Sony Headphone Wearers. Or Pay Dearly.


I didn't know this. And I paid dearly for my ignorance ($90 dearly).

I had been using the large Sony headphones instead of the iPod ear buds - they're cheapy, and I find them a more comfortable musical experience. I also feel badass walking down the street with big headphones on. That's how I roll.

Last week, my iPod stopped playing in stereo. I mistakenly thought it was my earphones, so I threw them away, but after asking a sales associate to open two or three new headphone cases to find a "working pair", I realized I had an iPod issue on my hands.

To recap: I love iPod. But I've gone through 4 in 2 years.

DO NOT use Sony Headphones in an iPod. The audio input is like, half a mm too large for an iPod audio jack. Eventually you'll have to get it replaced. It's a common problem, apparently.

Apparently, the Theme for Today is: 'The Awesome Inane'





Everything is right with the world when I watch this.
And it gets better with age - like a fine wine.

I'm a Sucker for Generators

Yes, they've all been done.
But hot damn I love a good generator. I don't know why.

This is me as a Simpsons character.

Waste a pile of time by making your own here.
...or!
Check out all my del.icio.us tagged generators here

I Laughed So Hard, It Hurted Muches

Ok, so apparently this rejection letter doesn't check out - there is no antiquities department in the Smithsonian, and word has it the whole thing was concocted by a man with the same name as the amateur backyard paleoanthropologist.
Real or not, it's amazing. Start to finish - I nearly spat out my soup. Then two hours later, I thought about it again and nearly spat out my coffee.
Then again - this morning, with tea.

Paleoanthropology Division
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Sir:

Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it represents "conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilized bone.

2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids.

3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time. This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,

Harvey Rowe
Curator, Antiquities

---

Flash Mobs - Parisienne Style


Every year, a big open air dinner party is held in Paris for eager gourmands dressed in white. The location is kept secret until 15 minutes before the meal begins. This year it was around the Arc de Triumph on the place de l'Etoile.

See more, envy more HERE