Kafka Came From Somewhere

The memory of Franz Kafka is intrinsically linked to his body of nightmarish, impersonal and quasi-existentialist worlds. Any student of literature knows that you can use the author's personal life as a codex to their work. In Kafka's case, we have a tragically short existence defined by anxiety and malady. But I also tend to wonder if his work has that inimitable 'Kafka-esque' quality because Prague itself is so fucking awesomely morbid.

I just got back from a four day micro tour of the city (love it, love it, love it btw), and immediately noticed a delightful pattern of death and destruction. Pretty much everywhere.

You Really Can Make a Slutty Costume Out of Anything



Ok, well. To be quite fair, this hamburger dress is a work of art. The artist (Joy Kampia) tends to render foodstuffs out of crochet and yarnwork, another example of which I've included here.


But it goes to show that with enough ingenuity and determination, you can make anything - animal, vegetable or mineral - into a cheeky little outfit.

We chatted this morning on the subject of Hallowe'en costumes. I plunged back in time to one fateful loft party I attended dressed as the girl from the Ring only to realize that every other costume there was an abbreviated size of something: slutty Pumpkin, slutty Witch, slutty Robert Goulet. My own personal Mean Girls moment.

Now we can add hamburger to this provocative tapestry of slut and slut-related costumery.

Be sure to swing by this site for more inspiring takes on fancy dress.

Llamapillar


Alright, instead of uploading trip shots, I went for Cuban food last night.
Bad me.

Here's another placeholder beast to snack upon.
How doth it move? How quickly? Could it catch up with me? In a dark alley? On a chill October night?

Does it eat like snake?

Placeholder Spokesbird



Just got back from a whirlwind tour of Croatia and Prague. Am feeling good. So good in fact, that I'm going to have to throw something out here until I can get my pics uploaded and mention a few choice weirdnesses that I captured over there. Soon there will be international curiosities to feast your eyes on - just you wait.

In the meantime, to assuage my own guilt over not having contributed recently - thieving shithawks!

Pedro the Mini Mummy

In 1932 two men, Cecil Main and Frank Carr, spent a few weeks digging for gold in the San Pedro Mountains of Wyoming. After working a rich vein which seemed to keep continuing into more solid rock, they decided to use dynamite to blast a huge section of the mountainside off and save some time getting at more of the gold.

After the dust from the blast cleared, they found that the rock face they had been chipping away at led to a small cavern about 15 feet long and 4 feet high (4.5m x 1.2m). It had been totally sealed off from the outside world by this thick wall of rock they had been working at, with no visible entrance or even small crack leading into it. Inside this cavern was a small ledge on which a pixie-like creature sat, cross-legged. It turned out to be a tiny mummy about 7" high (18 cm) with a total height of 14" (35 cm). It's face looked like an old man's. It had a flat head, huge, heavy-lidded eyes and a very wide mouth. It was so well preserved that the finger nails could still be seen on the hands. It gets stranger - the top of it's head was covered in a dark jelly-like substance that was still mushy. Ew!

Cecil and Frank carefully took their find to the huge town of Casper, Wyoming where many prominent scientists, sure of a hoax, came from all over the US to have a look at it. Everyone had the idea that this was just a scheme to make money, something invented by the two prospectors to get rich with their discovered anomaly. Dr. Henry Shapiro, an anthropologist from the American Museum of Natural History, set up extensive tests, assuming it would show some type of doll or pieced-together work of taxidermy. Instead the X-rays showed that "Pedro" had inside him a perfectly formed, manlike skeleton with a complete set of human-like ribs. Also shown was a damaged spine, a broken collarbone and a skull that had been smashed by a heavy blow. It seems Pedro had met with a violent death. The gelatinous substance on his head was exposed brain tissue and congealed blood. Ew! The fontanels - the soft spots in the skull which mesh to a solid plate as a baby matures to childhood - were closed, proving that this had indeed been a full grown adult. Pedro had a full set of adult teeth but the odd difference to us regular humans was that he had overly pointed canines - what we'd call "vampire" teeth. The overall estimate was that the being had been about 65 years old at the time of death and dated 'far back into history'.

Sometime in the 1950s, Pedro vanished after one of his owners died, and his location today is still unknown.

The Shoshone Indian Nation of Wyoming have legends of the Nimerigar, a small race of people who it is said would attack them with tiny bows and poisoned arrows. It was also said they used to kill their own kind with a blow to the head when they became too ill to be a useful and active part of society anymore.

The Craigslist Serial




I may have mentioned before that I have a weakness for the craigslist missed connections. No, it's not because I expect to see myself in there (jerks), but because on a sociological basis, it is remarkable to see how describe each other in passing. And really, what details are noticed.

More often than not, you get something like :
"You: Girl in Green shirt with face. Me: Tall guy in pants. Coffee?"

But occasionally there is something undeniably delightful in the describing. A resurrection of the cinematic 'love at first sight' moments from 1950sHollywood. A defiance of what sometimes feels like modern disregard for the romantic grand gesture.

My favourites are when people play peekaboo with their lives - which brings me to this week's Toronto Missed Connections serial girl. I can't quite get a handle on her: she's in love, she's furious, she's humorous. Is she dating this man? Is it illicit?
Read it for yourself. I welcome your thoughts on the matter.
Welcome to my voyeuristic depravity.

Walken be Rockin That Chicken



I have a dream.
And a list.
The list pertains to something I mentally drafted years ago after watching Harvey Keitel disrobe for the millionth time in a movie (stop it Harvey, I mean it this time).

Without much ado, my favourite top 5 creepy men of Hollywood (in no particular order):

Christopher Walken
Jeremy Irons
Geoffrey Rush
Harvey Keitel
Willem Defoe

In my defense, this is not a judgement on acting abilities. On the contrary, their creepyness makes them more alluring. They have character stamped across every crevice of their faces while also sporting that undefinable quality that makes them unsavory as dark alley run ins.

The more interesting question, I think, is how these guys do their average Joe bit. Imagine, if you will - Rush deciding between bacon or sausage with his Sunday eggs. Irons reading Where the Wild Things Are to his kids. Defoe going to the mall to try on bathing suits.

Possibly, even possibly...Christopher Walken preparing a whole roast chicken.
It's hypnotic.

And God Said - Let There Be Flight

A Vatican-backed charter service has made its inaugural flight, aiming to carry pilgrims to such Catholic shrines as Lourdes, Fatima, Santiago de Compostela and the Holy Land.

The flights, scheduled to start regular service next year, are tailored to the pilgrims' needs, with inscriptions - such as "I search for your face, Lord," - decorating the seats and religious videos shown on board.

"We want to create the conditions to enable pilgrims to live their pilgrimage starting at their city's airport and even before they arrive at their destinations," said the Rev. Caesar Atuire, CEO of Opera Romana Pellegrinaggi, which organizes pilgrimages for the Diocese of Rome.

"That's why we created this initiative, with a dedicated aircraft, trained staff, and messages (on board) to help people live a better experience," he told reporters at a presentation ahead of the inaugural flight, which carried VIPs and church officials to Lourdes.

The five-year agreement between Mistral Air, a small airline owned by the private Italian post office, and the "Opera Romana Pellegrinaggi," offers flights leaving from seven Italian airports, including Rome and Verona, with a Boeing 737-300.

Officials expect the deal will bring an estimated 150,000 passengers a year to destinations including Fatima, Portugal; Lourdes, France; Santiago de Compostela, Spain; the Holy Land; Czestochowa, Poland; and Sinai, Egypt.

Details on schedules and fares are still being discussed. However, Atuire said the airline is hoping to offer pilgrims competitive prices.

Rome Cardinal Camillo Ruini praised the initiative.

"The way to make pilgrimages can change over time but their deepest meaning remains the same: To look for a deeper contact with God," he told reporters before boarding the inaugural flight.

The Vatican does not have an airline or its own airport, and the pope regularly takes special flights with commercial carriers for his trips around the globe.

Behaves

EUHN
Yo Shawty
EUHN
Yo Shawty
What you doing to me?

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves

[verse: 1]
1 o’clock and shakin nonstop
I just lookin’ at you and it makin me pop
Baby girl you got a badass piece
I gotta rent that one out
Maybe take out a lease, y’all

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves

[verse: 2]
Got dem tiny ass shawts
And honey girl you fillin’ them lots,
Naughty girl, booty wavin’ at me
Yo ass so bad
It in a penitensharee - AYYO

[chorus]
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves
Damn girl – let me see how that ass behaves
Ass behaves ass behaves


[verse: 3]
Wiggle it round on the club floor
You pushing it back, baby push it some mo’

DAMN that tush be dangerous
Damn!
Dangerous!

When you walk it like that – BEHAVES!
When you shake it like that - BEHAVES!
When you move me like that – BEHAVES!
Where’d you get dem shorts?


*Note: if you are a big hip hop producer and want to turn my song into your next big thing, I want royalties dawg. Blap blap!

Geekiest Ad Critique Ever


...and totally hilarious. I have nothing to add here. I'll just cut and paste.
I laughed for half an hour (ok, maybe more. Maybe I'm still laughing and I saw this three hours ago).
More copywriter humour.

That Headline Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

According to Wikipedia:
"A redshirt is a stock character, used frequently in science fiction but also in other genres, whose purpose is to die soon after being introduced, thus indicating the dangerous circumstances faced by the main characters. The term comes from the science fiction television series Star Trek, in which security officers wear red shirts and are often killed on missions under the aforementioned circumstances."

Source: Adland

Hyuk. Wood.

I Can Relate, Buddy

The blobfish (Psychrolutes marcidus) is a fish that inhabits the deep waters off the coasts of Australia and Tasmania. Due to the inaccessibility of its habitat, it is rarely seen by humans.

Blobfish are found at depths where the pressure is several dozens of times higher than at sea level, which would likely make gas bladders inefficient. To remain buoyant, the flesh of the blobfish is primarily a gelatinous mass with a density slightly less than water; this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without expending energy on swimming. The relative lack of muscle is not a disadvantage as it primarily swallows edible matter that floats by in front it.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Hot Beef Sundae!


There appears to be something of a food theme going, so what's the harm in one more. Shall we then traipse down to the Iowa State Fair and partake in one of the best traditions of summer - The hot beef sundae?

What larks! Tra la!

Deseas Papas Fritas Con Eso?

Those who call themselves "real travelers" all do it: pass judgement on those who, for whatever reason, opt for McDonald's on vacation. It's like the cardinal wrong. You would be better received back home after your trip by some people I know if you told them that you'd eaten some endangered species on vacation than eaten in a McDonald's.

Well in your face, Lonely Planet thumping bastards.

It turns out, in fact, that the very FIRST thing you should do is go to a McDonald's. It's like going to a grocery store on vacation (which, incidentally, I love to do. Best insight into the day-to-day of a culture isn't its museums but its grocery stores. And for those that care, I just had a personal epiphany as to why I'm in advertising. And not archaeology. Which was clearly my first choice.)

These are from an article on the cultural idiosyncracies of the McDonald's McEmpire. And some of them are effin McFascinating. For example:


In Japan, you can partake in a Koroke Burger (mashed potato, cabbage and katsu sauce)


Canada's McLobster gets my personal "get that the hell away from me" award. I saw them advertised on my roadtrip around Nova Scotia. They looked unappealing then, and that hasn't changed. If you've tried one and liked it, use my comments section to defend yourself.



In Hong Kong, you can buy a Rice Burger, where the burgers are in between, not burger buns, but two patties of glutinous rice.

And finally - in Uruguay, you can order a hamburger topped with a fried egg. Ok, not so cool.
But it's called the McHuevo! SO Cool. SO my 'shout it off a cliff in Uruguay' word!

Here's a link to the full list. Read it, get back to me. In the meantime I'll be giggling at McHuevo.

Shameless Displays of Lycra

Vixens.
Honestly, here they are being all "don't look at my body, look at my face".
Teases.
Don't they know that modesty is a huge turn on?


For more in the world of beach side feminine modesty, run (don't walk!) to THIS SITE.
Jezebels.

The Soundtrack That Should Never Have Been

You know that feeling when you get to the airport, and that idea of going away - finally getting to get the hell out of Dodge - really sinks in? And you think to yourself how exciting and new everything suddenly feels. And you also think about what your soundtrack for this trip should be.

Frankfurt Airport decided to answer the latter question on behalf of the millions of people that file through it every year. The result - the one song I hope to never personally own as my traveling anthem. Ever.
Like, ever ever.
I mean - I would rather have All4One's 'I Swear' or The Golden Girls theme song as my traveling anthems. Especially that last one. It at least talks about traveling around the world and back again.

The lyrics:

Just pack your bags and leave, tomorrow’s the big day
Destination Frankfurt, we’re on our way
to a city within a city and a hub full of streams
and impressions, like in our boldest dreams

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City

We’re close like never before, to the city you can’t ignore
Located right in the heart of Europe
And behind that significant horizon
It is Germany’s gateway to the world

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City

Solo

Chorus

Baby if we try, we can ride across the sky
Heading for this growin’ airport city
Up the clouds along, where the winds ain’t strong
High above Frankfurt Airport City
Frankfurt Airport City…

Now - you have a choice.
You can either subject yourself to the VIDEO or to the SONG

Oh, The Places You'll Go..

I've recently gone through a rush of wanderlust. I need to see things. Odd things. Things with small horns, long necks and sympathetic eyes.

Travellers from all over the world now make The Giraffe Manor part of their East African safari, the only place in the world where you can enjoy the breathtaking experience of feeding and photographing the giraffe over the breakfast table and at the front door.

Want to come with me? Of course you do, you blind fool. We shall have ever so many adventures, and frolics on and about these gentle giants. Hazzah!
Take a look at Giraffe Manor.

The Reactable

This may not be a surprise to anyone who is a fan of Bjork - she debuted it at the Coachella festival. It has of course made the tangible interactivity festival circuit lots too. y'know - in case you follow that circuit.
I'll be hot damned if it's not one of the coolest and most vision-of-the-future-y instruments I've seen.

Here's a bit on what it is.

The reactable is a collaborative electronic music instrument with a tabletop tangible multi-touch interface. Several simultaneous performers share complete control over the instrument by moving and rotating physical objects on a luminous round table surface. By moving and relating these objects, representing components of a classic modular synthesizer, users can create complex and dynamic sonic topologies, with generators, filters and modulators, in a kind of tangible modular synthesizer or graspable flow-controlled programming language.

Hookay.
And for those that don't speak..that..way of speaking...a couple little demos.

And the demo from the Coachella show.

And With This - My Apartment Hunting Comes to a Close

I still have a couple weeks left until my apartment hunting becomes an official nightmare (it is, after all, nearly the new school year. I am competing for apartments with the frothing legions of University students who are willing to take anything at all within 15 blocks radius of U of T. Which, unfortunately, is also where I would like to live.)
Given that that is pretty much like - all of Toronto.

So I'm thinking I may have to become less finicky about my living arrangements.
Enter: Craigslist. Did I mention how much I love Craigslist? I love it. I want to marry it and bear its classified babies. And then sell them on craigslist.



I don't know if it's a joke that this person is offering their broken van as a cheap apartment. If it's not, it's fantastic. If it is, then they are fantastic for tapping into some basic truth of the Toronto rental market. Maybe I'll marry them after the whole craigslist marrying thing.

Take a closer look: http://toronto.craigslist.org/apa/381947335.html

Numerals Are Not Allowed. Sorry C3PO.

You know, some people come down hard on celebrity icons like Gwyneth or Frank Zappa for naming their kids something ridiculous. But what about the everyday schmucks, running around everyday - ruining the lives of their sprogs and getting away with it scott free? Well done New Zealand, at least this kid with only get beaten up for half as long as he otherwise would have.

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) -- New Zealand authorities have blocked a couple's bid to officially name their new son "4real," saying numerals are not allowed.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton said they decided to name their new baby "4real" shortly after having an ultrasound and being struck by the reality of his impending arrival.

"For most of us, when we try to figure out what our names mean, we have to look it up in a babies book and ... there's no direct link between the meaning and the name," Pat Wheaton told TV One on Wednesday. "With this name, everyone knows what it means."

But when the parents filed the name with New Zealand's Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages, they were told names beginning with a number were against the rules.

The government office has opened negotiations with the parents about the name under a policy that says all unusual names must be given case-by-case consideration.

"The name has not at this stage been rejected," Registrar-General Brian Clarke said in a statement Thursday. "We are currently in discussions with the parents ... to clarify the situation."

Clarke said the rules are designed to prevent names that are "likely to cause offense to a reasonable person." Satan and Adolf Hitler were proposed names that have been declined, he said.

If no compromise has been reached by July 9, the baby will be registered as "real," officials say.

New Zealand law requires all children born in the South Pacific nation to be registered with the Births, Deaths and Marriages registry within two months of birth.