What the Fucken is a Turducken?

It's what's for dinner.
Christmas dinner.
*MY* Christmas dinner.

Here. You must know what it is before we continue.


K. not entirely. But the reality is less cute. I'll spare you the imagery.
A Turducken is (in a nutshell, but not really): a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in turkey.
The Russian doll of roast birds!

See, previous to learning that my supermarket sells limited supplies for Christmas, the Turducken was a Unicorn-like phantasm. People told me they'd spotted it around town on menus, but then it conveniently disappeared. I suspect they lied for something entertaining to say.
Regardless, unless you happen to be braving exotic Suthern-stahl locales such as your Alabamas or Louisianas, it's a friggin hard novelty food to track down.

But now it's nearly within my grasp, and the only questions that remain: how will I make it? And, more pressingly: will I die in the attempt?
Until then...
A song about Turduckens.